The goal for this work-in-progress page is to provide a detailed description of the labor, delivery, and life of my son, Alexandar Michael Robert Wilcox.

Pregnancy

14 weeks into the pregnancy, a doctor noticed something wrong with Alexandar's right forearm. He appeared to be missing either the radius or ulna. Several ultrasounds later, Dr. Davidson noticed a problem with Alexandar's stomach. The theory at the time was Alexandar had Esophogeal Atresia, which meant there was some sort of blockage in his esophagus. Needless to say, we experienced a high degree of anxiety and about what might happen after he was born. Through it all, though, we never really thought much about the possibility that the problem could be life threatening.

Birth

5:30 AM Monday, January 24, 2005 at St. Mary's hospital in Madison, Wisconsin

The front page of the Wisconsin State Journal on Alexandar's birthday.

Condition after birth

Alexandar was born with a very narrow trachea. Several hours later, the doctors at St. Mary's diagnosed Alexandar with long segment tracheal stenosis. At about 2:30 PM that same day he was flown via helicopter to the Children's Hospital of Wisconsin in Milwaukee.

Surgery

On Friday, February 4, 2005, Dr. Joseph Kerschner and his team of doctors performed a slide tracheoplasty on Alexandar's narrow trachea. In essence, this procedure shortened the trachea length by half, but tripled the diameter (to just about normal).

Healing

Amy, Hannah, and I spent about nine weeks travelling back and forth between our home in Madison and the hospital in Milwaukee to visit Alexandar. During this time, Alexandar had many good days. There were many days when we felt things were getting better and it would only be a matter of time before he was home with us. Unfortunately, the bad days took their toll as scar tissue formed below Alexandar's healing trachea.

Passing

Alexandar passed away two days short of eleven weeks after birth, at about 8:30 PM on Saturday, April 9, 2005 at the Children's Hospital of Wisconsin in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Memorial Service

The following service was prepared and presented by Barbara Nehls-Lowe. Many thanks to Barbara for both performing the service and sharing her work for display on this page.

Memorial Service for Alexandar Michael Robert Wilcox, 4-16-05

PRELUDE Pacabel Cannon

CANDLE LIGHTING Amy, Christian, Hannah Light Alexandar’s Baptismal Candle

WELCOME & OPENING WORDS

Dear family and friends of Christian, Amy and Hannah, welcome to this house of serenity and simple beauty. On this bright spring afternoon, we come together to commemorate life - to be reminded how precious and dear it is - and to express our deep sorrow for an infant life which ended even as the sweet, sentient world reached out to embrace him. For even as life is beautiful, so it is fragile, so it is unpredictable. This dear child - Alexandar Michael Robert - has passed on to places unknown and unknowable, yet this day we express confidence that the powers which uplift and sustain this amazing Universe preserve and protect him still, for never has beauty touched the face of the earth without creating something eternal. Though his passage on this great, green planet was fleeting, this small boy was not without influence or importance. Like a shooting star he arrived, flashed across our vision, stayed a short 2 1/2 months, and was gone. But on those who saw and touched him, he has left an indelible impression; unforgettable images and emotions have been etched into vivid memories. Alexandar never learned to walk, to speak, never went to school or played with other children. He didn’t celebrate a single birthday, yet our coming together today attests that no human life - however brief - is without intrinsic worth and absolute significance. Although Alexandar’s flame was extinguished all too soon, the light of his short life will burn forever in our hearts and minds. As his baptismal candle shines brightly, may this light kindle our own yearning for hope and serenity, that we may find peace and soulful connection with one another and with our God. We are deeply grateful that Alexandar was here with us, for the gift and miracle that he was, and we invite his life- and death - to help us grow bigger and stronger hearts full of compassion and love. We have been immeasurably blessed and changed by his presence here and we come to celebrate that this day.

READING by Amy Wilcox

Our little one, our dear one, our love, You will be with us forever: in the thin sunlight and long shadows of a clear winter’s day; in the dawn excitement of birds surrounding in early spring; in the rustle of heavy-leafed trees in a mid-summer’s night; in the rich aromas and bright colors of a warm autumn day. All that is excellent brushed by Life’s brightness and shadow, will remind us of you, Our little one, our dear one, our love. You will beat with our heart, see through our eyes, hear with our ears, feel on our skin. Because your soul is mingled with our soul, forever, Our little one, our dear, our love.

MUSICAL INTERLUDE PRAYER

Dear God, we confess that in our ignorance and egocentrism, we take a great deal for granted. Going about our daily business, the world appears, for the most part, as a stable, orderly place, and it isn’t until something in our body fails, or an unexpected disaster, comes crashing into our lives that we are reminded again of how capriciously fate often deals with our small dreams and desires. Today, we have again been reminded that life is incredibly fragile, and that tomorrow is not of the same species as today. And so, dear God, at this moment when our hearts are ice-bound with sorrow, the question trembles on our lips: 'Why?' Why the joy, the anticipation? Why, the anxiety, and fear, the pain of labor, the dashed hope, the tragedy of unrealized potential? Almost desperately we ask these questions, knowing inside that satisfying answers won’t be forthcoming, and that we will have to struggle one, and bravely bear the agony of unknowing. And so we ask Mother/Father God, that your love-energy be in us now, untangling our confusion, calming our distress, mending emotions shattered by grief. Care too, for Alexandar Michael - this beloved child who is now beyond our embrace. Make for him a special place in Your infinite care. Cherish him as we do and lend him, and us, your constant care. Amen.

CELEBRATION OF ALEXANDAR’S LIFE

The story of Alexandar Michael Robert Wilcox Told by Christian Wilcox. Keryn Ghali will share additional stories. We have witnessed sacred and stunning stories about the life of Alexandar Michael Robert Wilcox. He will never be forgotten. He is part of us, he is within us, he is among us. Spiritual people the world over know that death is not the end. Death harkens the beginning of a new chapter in this journey, one we cannot understand or predict. Rumi, an ancient mystic, said that death would be his wedding day into eternity. King Solomon, in the Hebrew Bible advised us to rejoice when a loved dies and to cry when one is born. Alexandar is free, he suffers no more, he is with the Divine, he is part of the Great Mystery. Kahlil Gibran reminds us that ‘our children are not our children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through us but not from us and they do not belong to us.’ We honor Alexandar’s life and memory and we trust that his soul lives on forevermore.

MUSICAL INTERLUDE READING

Hold fast to the stars. Hold fast to the elusive, the intangible, The never to be had; For stars fall from heaven sometimes, And kings are born in barns, And miracles arise from little things.

FINAL WORDS

Inasmuch as the spirit of this cherished infant no longer dwells in mortal form, we have returned his body to ever-renewing nature: from star dust he was formed, and to the stars he has returned. We are consoled by the knowledge that his short sojourn among us was blessed with love and has issued in peace. We were touched by his innocence, moved by his struggle for life, and are reconciled to the idea that whatever could have been done for him was done. His suffering is, thankfully, now over. Alexandar Michael Robert now floats free in the ocean of eternity, but for us life goes on, and opportunities remain to grow and to change, to become more conscious, and appreciative of this incredible world, created and sustained we know not how. If we have lingering regrets about the passing of this child, let them become fuel for new resolve and new commitment; let our sadness be transformed into determination, as we reach out to others in similar straits. Inasmuch as we have found comfort and solace together, may we help guide others through despair’s dark valley, to the bright place of hope and love, where all who have known sorrow eventually arrive.

INVITATION TO RECEPTION

Amy and Christian asked me to invite all of you to their home following this service for additional fellowship and sharing. They are extremely appreciative of all the offers of help and assistance they’ve received in these days and weeks of turmoil, and confusion and would take this occasion to express their heartfelt gratitude. They live at _ and staff from the funeral home can help you get there.

BENEDICTION

We trust that beyond the absence, There is a presence. That beyond the pain, There can be healing. That beyond the anger, There may be peace. That beyond the hurting, There may be forgiveness. That beyond the silence, There may be the word. That beyond the word, There may be understanding. That through understanding, There is Love. Blessed Be. Shalom. Amen.

POSTLUDE

Family

[Amy Lynn Wilcox][24]	[Christian Andrew Wilcox][27]
[Hannah Diane Wilcox][46] (born 2002-05-16)	[Stella Grace Wilcox][47] (born 2007-06-27)

Major life events

• 2005-01-24 - Labor and delivery (birth)
• 2005-02-04 - Surgery
• 2005-02-11 - Extubation
• 2005-02-13 - Setback
• 2005-02-17 - Extubated again
• 2005-02-23 - Another step back
• 2005-02-28 - Five week checkup
• 2005-03-07 - Granulation tissue
• 2005-03-14 - Monday evening bronchoscopy
• 2005-03-18 - No tracheostomy or g-tube today
• 2005-03-25 - No change in granulation tissue
• 2005-04-04 - Reduction of granulation tissue
• 2005-04-09 - Alexandar Michael Robert Wilcox (death)

Other interesting things that happened during Alexandar's life

• News events occurring on January 24, 2005 (Wikipedia)
• On March 12, 2005, in Brookfield, Wisconsin, less than five minutes from the Children's Hospital, a man walked into a church service and shot and killed several people before taking his own life.
• One month after Alexandar's birth, February 24, 2005, doctors successfully performed a tracheostomy on Pope John Paul II. Several days before this procedure, Alexandar's doctors familiarized us with the procedure they might need to perform on Alexandar.
• Via Terry Schiavo, her family, and the US government, the nation was reminded of the controversy surrounding right to die issues.
• Pope John Paul II died April 2, 2005.
• News events occurring on April 9, 2005 (Wikipedia)

Photos

Flickr photo collection and my Flickr photos tagged Alexandar.